Hi Lawren!
It's your birthday!!
Happy birthday!!
For your birthday, I wanted to get you the coolest present ever.
Something that would really bring a smile to your face.
So first I tried to make you a drawing.
But my drawing skills...
But my drawing skills... They...
Left something to be desired.
Then I thought:
It's your 22nd birthday!
Maybe I could come up with a beautiful palindrome to express how I feel about you!
"I'm a fool awol, Lawren.
Trap partner wallow.
Aloof am I."
Hmm.... Er...
"Flee to me, k, Lawren?
Oprah's sharp on 'er walk emote elf."
Demetri Martin made this look easy!
Then, I decided maybe I could do better with a word palindrome.
"Be it May!
Happy birthday!
Lawren's 22 today.
I cheer remotely.
BWC win!
Win BWC!
Remotely cheer I.
Today, 22.
Lawren's Birthday, happy may it be."
Not a bad start...
"Joy you bring,
This May.
Dear Lawren,
Wish I could say:
Adjectives failing,
Not enough.
Beautiful,
insightful,
sweet.
The infinite list,
It wouldn't describe you.
How happy I am!
Am I happy?
How?!
You.
Describe, wouldn't it?
List, infinite.
The sweet,
insightful,
beautiful.
Enough? Not!
Failing adjectives.
Say, could I wish?
Lawren dear,
May this bring you joy?"
So maybe palindromes aren't the most expressive way to communicate...
If I couldn't get through to you with my artistry, then maybe I could bake my way to your heart.
So I fired up the oven, got my chef's apron on, and made you the most delicious BROWNIE TANK!
There was only one
There was only one, minor issue.
I was struck by a bit of a sugar craze almost immediately after making it.
And well, I may have eaten the whole thing.
So despite my best attempts, I really had nothing monumental to give you.
And finally, I just decided to say it as simply as I could.
Wait, what the fuck does that say?
Let's try again...
Happy birthday.
I love you.
Good luck with your race today.
I hope you winning is just the start to a great day.
Fin.
PS: I have a real present for you waiting in Providence.